Yesterday's haiku
Was written way in advance
That's called tempting fate

Today's obits page
No mention of me at all
Best birthday ever!

Hard hats required
The garage for my karma
Under construction

Wise scholars tell us
History repeats itself
Here we go again

They couldn't have called
The first bread slicing machine
Best thing since sliced bread

Tony the tiger
Was always shouting, "They're great!"
He wasn't lion

Car alarm goes off
Outside at 7 am
There's no snooze button

Life getting you down?
Find a psychotherapist
See your problems shrink

Do Not Enter sign
I didn't see it, we took
A turn for the worse

Right out of the fridge
Last night's pizza tastes great cold
Pizza for breakfast!